I’ve been providing customer service, sometimes well and sometimes not so well, for over 15 years now.  What have I learned?  Maybe that’s not the most important question.  Perhaps we should discuss what I’ve known, deep down inside, for almost all of those years.  What I’ve not been able to put into teachable form until now…the real secret to great service.

The fulfillment of your customers’ emotional needs. I’m talking about making them feel valued, secure, and excited about what you’re doing for them. What would appear to be a simple formula is anything but. Seems like organizations that struggle with service just don’t quite have this one down. Why?

Let me ask you this…have you ever found yourself withholding fulfillment of those needs because you perceived the other person didn’t deserve to have their needs fulfilled?  You have, haven’t you. Well so have I.

Think about this for a second…how is withholding that fulfillment any different than withholding water from a thirsty person?  Apples and oranges, you say?

I beg to differ.

Food and water keep us physically alive, but feeling valued and secure nourish our emotional needs. Walls go up, defenses are built and mistrust is created when people in relationships with us aren’t made to feel important.

Ever hung up the phone after talking to a customer and yelled out, “What a jerk!”  Ever had a peer do that in front you?  Ever listened to a conversation where you just knew somebody wasn’t plugged in? What’s going on when this happens?

Simply put, we’re invalidating the needs of our customers.  They don’t think like we do so they don’t matter.  They aren’t acting the way they “should” so we decide not to care about them.  Great way to build customer loyalty, don’cha think?

But wait just a minute…I didn’t say it to the customer on the phone!  What’s the problem?

Seriously?

Be honest…just because you’re holding your tongue doesn’t mean you’re not thinking about what you really want to say. Because you’re thinking about that, you’re taking your focus off what the customer is trying to tell you.  You’ve already written them off.  Now the conversation is about getting to the end, rather than fulfilling the customer’s emotional needs.

Unfortunately, I’m not going to be able to fix this for you, or me, in one blog post.  I can tell you where I’m going to start, though.

I’m going to do a better job of fulfilling the emotional needs of the people who report to me. What I feel in my heart for them and what I tell them everyday just doesn’t match up.  I’ve used plenty of excuses for not offering more praise, more support, and more validation. It’s time to align my true feelings with my actions.

My boss does an outstanding job of making me feel valued, secure, and excited about what’s going on.  I know what he says and does are his true feelings. For me not to pass my feelings on to my team is just plain selfish.

Check back here to see my progress and learn about the next step.

Leadership with vision means dreaming big and believing you will bring your vision to life.  I admire people who have done this and made the commitment to do it because I’ve been struggling with my own vision for as long as I can remember.

I was just flipping channels a few days ago when I caught a glimpse of two talking heads on ESPN running down New Jersey Nets owner Mikhail Prokhorov for saying he wants to build an NBA dynasty.  I don’t remember the exact quotes, but “dreaming the impossible dream”, “wishful thinking”, and “how about just making the playoffs first come to mind.”  I guess those ESPN guys wouldn’t be very interesting if they supported Prokhorov and wished him good luck, now would they.

According to the NYDailyNews.com, when Prokhorov was asked what he told new head coach Avery Johnson during their first meeting, he said, “Just that we need to create a dynasty team.  That’s it, a very simple task.”  Now there’s one confident guy.

But wait, there’s more…

Prokhorov feels very confident about the rich crop of free agents available this off season.  He told ESPN this, “I feel pretty sure I can convince the best of the best that the Nets are the place they want to be,” he said.  Now just whom would he be talking about with that statement?  He went on to say that he wants the Nets to be in the playoffs next year and win a championship within 1-5 years.  No lack of ambition there.

So what’s his secret?

First of all is his vision.  Great leaders have it.  They visualize the destination like they’re standing right next to it…like it’s happened already.  Prokhorov’s vision is the Nets as basketball royalty.  The first global dynasty in basketball.  There may be the Lakers and Celtics but, worldwide, neither compares to the appeal of English soccer powerhouse Manchester United, for example.  Prokhorov wants his Nets to be basketball’s ManU.

Second is Prokhorov’s approach.  Every move he’s made has capitalized on his strengths and been consistent with his vision.  He knows basketball and he knows how to take a struggling organization and make it best in class. The turnaround he orchestrated at Norilsk Nickel, in his native Russia, is legendary.  This knowledge helps him to see the path from today to the coronation of the Nets as a basketball dynasty.

His first wise move was his choice of market.  New York is a top 2 media market and the epitome of America’s “melting pot.”  The TV, advertising and ticket revenue potential are tremendous.  What better jumping off point for a dynasty?

He admittedly wanted to buy the Knicks, but there were a few too many complications with that particular purchase, so he turned his attention to The Nets. Don’t get me wrong, people have already said plenty about the less than storied history of the franchise but winning makes folks forget awfully quick.  That brings up another great leadership quality of Prokhorov, his ability to adjust.  He put in this way in his news conference on June 16, “If you have Plan B and Plan C, you are all the time relaxed.”

His next great decision was starting the globalization process now with preseason games in China and 2 regular season games in London.  If you want to be global, you’ve got to play global.  Now if they just had a player with global appeal.  Wait a minute, I think one just might be available.  Prokhorov was referring to the “best of the best” and that currently is one  LeBron James.

Say what you will about the perceived chances of the Nets actually signing him.  Just think about it this way – surely LeBron can see the money-making and legacy-building potential of becoming the first global basketball icon since Michael Jordan.  Even if he doesn’t see it this time around he can always, as ESPN’s article on Prokhorov’s news conference suggests, sign a 4 year deal with another club with an opt-out clause after 3.  Don’t think Prokhorov doesn’t know that.

The final leadership quality I admire about Mikhail Prokhorov is that he knows who he is.  According to the ESPN article, he doesn’t Tweet.  He doesn’t even email, a secretary handles that for him.  “I am too old to learn to type, ” he jokes.  He writes his blog in longhand and doesn’t carry a cell phone.  Doesn’t work for me, but you can’t argue Prokhorov’s success.  He is the 39th richest man in the world, after all.

Ok, so a key leadership skill is the ability to create a vision and build a plan to get there.  The plan should contain contingencies because of things you just can’t control.  Top it all off with staying true to who you are.  The next big thing doesn’t have to be your next big thing.  Stick with what works.

I can hear the grammar police already…IT’S WHOM SHOULD I TIP!!!  Sorry grammarati, it’s a blog post and unfortunately most people will enter “who should i tip” into their favorite search engine.  BTW, stop shouting, that’s just rude!

Now then…

I pulled into Applebees the other night to pick up a take out order.  As most of you know, they offer a car side carry-out service.  It’s very convenient, I must say.  When my “server” did a double take after she came back with change, a thought popped into my head.

“She’s expecting a tip, isn’t she?”

Well I wasn’t planning on giving her one so I just shifted into reverse and started heading home.  The whole ride home turned into a philosophical discussion (in my mind, of course) on just whom should be entitled to a tip these days.  While I’m not sure whether or not the rules have changed, I am sure that I see more tip jars in more places than I ever have before.  The coffee place, the ice cream parlor, the bread shop, and I’m sure many more if I took some more time to think about it.

As we become more and more of a service based economy, I expect to see the ‘ol tip jar in more and more places. Am I doomed to have more philosophical discussions with myself as “the jar” proliferates itself next to every cash register in the retail universe?  I don’t think so.  This was a moment of decision and how I evaluated the situation was going to make all the difference in the world.

I started out traveling the road I’ve traveled so many times before.  You know the one I’m talking about, the road to a city called “How things should be.”   A place where right and wrong live in perfect harmony.  It went something like this…

A restaurant server is paid a lower wage for a reason…tips.  Nobody served me when I walked into the bar to pick up my takeout order.  They just handed me a big and a bill.  That doesn’t deserve a tip.  Should I tip the Applebees girl just because she had to walk ten feet from the door to my car to hand me the bag and the bill?

The argument continued on as I brought in the coffee shop, the ice cream parlor, and all those other places who’ve put tip jars out over the past few years.  What do the workers get paid?  Do they think they’re entitled?  Just what are their motives, anyway?

If that wasn’t enough for me to chew on, I just had to throw this little wrench into the works.  What do I do at the buffet restaurant?  Or the restaurant where you order at the counter, but sit down and the food is brought to you?  What’s the criteria for a tip in those places?

I just had to finish the argument so I drove about 10 miles out of the way and the food was cold when I got home, but I reached closure on the matter.

Not really, the driving out out of my way and the food getting cold part that is…

What I learned is that it’s futile and just plain frustrating to have a “how things should be” discussion about tipping in the 21st century.  Is it right for the barista to expect a tip for your soy latte?  Who cares if it’s right.  Why are we assuming that a tip jar equals a tip expectation?  As I was working this out in my head, I actually remembered a summer job I had in the early 90′s – at an ice cream parlor, no less.  We didn’t have a tip jar out but my associates and I were offered tips a number of times.  Maybe this happened to someone else in an ice cream parlor and they put out a cup just to let people know that it’s ok to tip if they’d like to.  (Light bulb, rays of sunshine, oooooooh, aaaaaahhhhhhh…)

I made a decision shortly after I got home.  I decided to keep tipping in all the traditional settings (full service restaurant, skycap, hotel bellman, valet, etc.) and everything else that doesn’t fit the tried and true will be evaluated on one simple criteria – EXCEPTIONAL SERVICE!!!

A performance-based reward…amazing in its simplicity.  There is no right and wrong with this.  If you’re fast, friendly and accurate you get paid!

All this tipping talk makes me wonder what will happen when we make that next transformation (which is underway already, BTW) into an information based economy.  Oh wait, I already know….it’s the Donation button.  Don’t even get me started!

Tipping in all settings is a choice, remember that.  You decide if and how much.  Will your choice have consequences associated with it?  Of course – all choices do.  If the consequence you perceive is based on someone else’s approval or whether or not you care afford to tip, I’d suggest you put some additional thought into where those perceptions are coming from.  If you believe your choice is based on sound principles, like a service provider’s poor performance, then stand tall.

Many of your grandparents, or maybe great grandparents, didn’t have mortgages.  They didn’t have car loans, either.   They also didn’t have credit cards or department store charge cards.

They saved up and paid for things.  They cashed their paychecks, put a portion into savings, then budgeted the rest for what they intended to spend on food, shelter, clothing, and transportation.  If the event of an emergency, they dipped into their savings, took care of the emergency, then tightened their belts and built back their savings.  A simple strategy with great results.

So what happened?  Why do 70% of Americans live from paycheck to paycheck these days?  The answer is just as simple.  Some very effective marketers have led us to believe that the lifestyles we lead are everything and that keeping up with the Jones’ is the most important thing.  They’ve created products, large and small, and marketed them aggressively to all ages.

At the same time, there’s never been more credit available to purchase things we can’t really afford.  Credit has been marketed as a necessity, so much so that it sells itself.  Get denied for a credit card and you want it even more.  We absolutely must have the right to pay for the privilege of borrowing someone else’s money.

We’ve gone from our great grandparents seeing debt as a sign of shame to our generation seeing it as an absolute necessity.  What are the results of this paradigm shift?  According to the Federal Reserve, there was $2.5 trillion of consumer debt in 2009.  That’s $8100 for every adult and every child living in the United States of America.

With all of our credit card, car loan, and student loan debt (BTW, that $2.5 trillion does not include mortgage debt!) how can we save, retire, educate our children, and give?

There is only one way.

The debt must go and we have to start harnessing the power of our incomes to build wealth, give, and enjoy all that life has to offer.  Getting rid of our debts is simple, yet painful.  There are no gimmicks here.  Debt consolidation loans are not the answer and bankruptcy is an experience no one should have to go through.  The answer is one simple phrase, coined by nationally syndicated radio host and New York Times Best-Selling author Dave Ramsey, “Live like no one else so, later on, you can live like no one else.”

Dave’s teachings are based on the successful completion of a series of “Baby Steps”.  These are incremental milestones that help you see your progress, build momentum, and prepare for the unexpected.  Start with “Baby Step One” saving $1000 as quickly as possible.  This is the beginning of your Emergency Fund.  With your Emergency Fund in place, you have created “Murphy Repellent” or, in other words, you have the ability to survive minor financial emergencies as you progress through the 2nd “Baby Step”, the “Debt Snowball”.

You create the “Debt Snowball” by taking all debts, except for your mortgage, and ranking them smallest to largest.  Pay the minimum payment on all of these debts except for the smallest one.  You will pay this smallest debt off as quickly as possible.  Once this smallest debt is eliminated, take the minimum payment from it and apply that to the next smallest debt, along with it’s minimum monthly payment.  As the snowball rolls downhill, it picks up more snow, gains more momentum and gets bigger and bigger.  Once it reaches the bottom, or your largest debt, it gets knocked out quickly and you’re debt free, except for your mortgage.

The third “Baby Step” is to complete your Emergency Fund by saving three to six months of expenses.  With no debt, except your mortgage, and 3-6 months of expenses in savings you are now able to weather more than minor financial crises’ and you’re truly able to harness the power of your income to build wealth, give and enjoy life.

Now that you have some breathing room, it just might be time to take a look at what you do for a living.  Do you have a job that brings home a paycheck or a career you’re truly passionate about.  Does your vocation make you happy or does it just make you money?  Do you work in the same field you studied in college?  Did you take this job in order to support your family, even though it doesn’t support you?  With your debts paid off, it may be time to align your passion with your career.  Who knows, you might find that a career you’re passionate about proves to be just as lucrative, if not more, than that job you used to have.

This is a simplified version of Dave Ramsey’s fundamental teachings.  To learn more, visit Dave Ramsey’s popular website…MyTotalMoneyMakeover.com.  By the way, I receive no financial compensation if you visit the site and purchase any of Dave’s products.  Dave’s teachings and my hard work and discipline are getting me out of debt.  If you’re ready for a change and ready to work hard, I know they’ll work in your life too.

Once there were two women who never knew each other;

One you do not remember, the other you call “Mother.”

Two different lives shaped to make you one;

One became your guiding star, the other became your sun.

The first one gave you life, and the second taught you to live it;

The first gave you a need for love, the second was there to give it.

One gave you a nationality, the other gave you a name;

One gave you talent, the other gave you aim.

One gave you emotions, the other calmed your fears;

One saw your first sweet smile, the other dried your tears.

One sought for you a home that she could not provide;

The other prayed for a child and her hope was not denied.

And now you ask me through your tears….

The age old question, unanswered throughout the years.

Heredity or environment…which are you a product of?

Neither…my darling…neither,

Just two different kinds of love!

-Author unknown-