I can hear the grammar police already…IT’S WHOM SHOULD I TIP!!!  Sorry grammarati, it’s a blog post and unfortunately most people will enter “who should i tip” into their favorite search engine.  BTW, stop shouting, that’s just rude!

Now then…

I pulled into Applebees the other night to pick up a take out order.  As most of you know, they offer a car side carry-out service.  It’s very convenient, I must say.  When my “server” did a double take after she came back with change, a thought popped into my head.

“She’s expecting a tip, isn’t she?”

Well I wasn’t planning on giving her one so I just shifted into reverse and started heading home.  The whole ride home turned into a philosophical discussion (in my mind, of course) on just whom should be entitled to a tip these days.  While I’m not sure whether or not the rules have changed, I am sure that I see more tip jars in more places than I ever have before.  The coffee place, the ice cream parlor, the bread shop, and I’m sure many more if I took some more time to think about it.

As we become more and more of a service based economy, I expect to see the ‘ol tip jar in more and more places. Am I doomed to have more philosophical discussions with myself as “the jar” proliferates itself next to every cash register in the retail universe?  I don’t think so.  This was a moment of decision and how I evaluated the situation was going to make all the difference in the world.

I started out traveling the road I’ve traveled so many times before.  You know the one I’m talking about, the road to a city called “How things should be.”   A place where right and wrong live in perfect harmony.  It went something like this…

A restaurant server is paid a lower wage for a reason…tips.  Nobody served me when I walked into the bar to pick up my takeout order.  They just handed me a big and a bill.  That doesn’t deserve a tip.  Should I tip the Applebees girl just because she had to walk ten feet from the door to my car to hand me the bag and the bill?

The argument continued on as I brought in the coffee shop, the ice cream parlor, and all those other places who’ve put tip jars out over the past few years.  What do the workers get paid?  Do they think they’re entitled?  Just what are their motives, anyway?

If that wasn’t enough for me to chew on, I just had to throw this little wrench into the works.  What do I do at the buffet restaurant?  Or the restaurant where you order at the counter, but sit down and the food is brought to you?  What’s the criteria for a tip in those places?

I just had to finish the argument so I drove about 10 miles out of the way and the food was cold when I got home, but I reached closure on the matter.

Not really, the driving out out of my way and the food getting cold part that is…

What I learned is that it’s futile and just plain frustrating to have a “how things should be” discussion about tipping in the 21st century.  Is it right for the barista to expect a tip for your soy latte?  Who cares if it’s right.  Why are we assuming that a tip jar equals a tip expectation?  As I was working this out in my head, I actually remembered a summer job I had in the early 90′s – at an ice cream parlor, no less.  We didn’t have a tip jar out but my associates and I were offered tips a number of times.  Maybe this happened to someone else in an ice cream parlor and they put out a cup just to let people know that it’s ok to tip if they’d like to.  (Light bulb, rays of sunshine, oooooooh, aaaaaahhhhhhh…)

I made a decision shortly after I got home.  I decided to keep tipping in all the traditional settings (full service restaurant, skycap, hotel bellman, valet, etc.) and everything else that doesn’t fit the tried and true will be evaluated on one simple criteria – EXCEPTIONAL SERVICE!!!

A performance-based reward…amazing in its simplicity.  There is no right and wrong with this.  If you’re fast, friendly and accurate you get paid!

All this tipping talk makes me wonder what will happen when we make that next transformation (which is underway already, BTW) into an information based economy.  Oh wait, I already know….it’s the Donation button.  Don’t even get me started!

Tipping in all settings is a choice, remember that.  You decide if and how much.  Will your choice have consequences associated with it?  Of course – all choices do.  If the consequence you perceive is based on someone else’s approval or whether or not you care afford to tip, I’d suggest you put some additional thought into where those perceptions are coming from.  If you believe your choice is based on sound principles, like a service provider’s poor performance, then stand tall.